A Very Buggy Birthday

Both our little munchkins have January birthdays so this year we decided to throw them a combined “Bugs in the Garden” birthday party.

I don’t usually do huge birthday parties for the kids, but after the year we’ve had, I really wanted to do something special to celebrate getting through it all.

Here are a few pics of the day:

Party Yumminess

Party Yumminess

 

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The birthday boy... already a hit with the ladies ;)

The birthday boy… already a hit with the ladies 😉

Sharing his cake with Mummy

Sharing his cake with Mummy

 

And of course, the cake ;)

And of course, the cake 😉

 

Of course I turned to Pinterest for inspiration, and got the ideas to make these:


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IMG_7503It was a hot and sunny day, plenty of cold drinks were had, the kids had a great water-fight (led by the biggest kid of them all, my darling Hubby)

I was absolutely thrilled to see ALL of the kids playing fantastically together, ages ranging from my itty-bitty 1 year old, to a couple of gorgeous boys who started high school this year. The big ones play so well with the little ones and they all get along wonderfully. It’s really lovely to see.

A fantastic day was had by all, and my little bugs had a very happy birthday.

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What a first year.

This week my not so little Squishy-Bear tuned one!

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What a year it’s been, my little one.

The joys of teething, colic, poop explosions  and sleepless nights.

ok, maybe not.

 

But there has been some wonderful memories.

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The very first gummy smile.

The first giggles. The great big chuckle I get when I blow raspberries on his tummy.

This little bundle of cuteness is 9 month old Carter, also known as Squishy-baby

 9 month old Squishy

The gorgeousness of a still-damp from the bath, powder scented baby cuddles.

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The adorable kitten-y noises he makes when he’s just about to drift off to sleep.

The way his whole face lights up when he sees his big sister.

Snugglebug & Squishy

Snugglebug & Squishy

Ittyy-bitty chubby little baby fingers and toes just begging to be nibbled on.

The little half-curl of hair just above his left ear that always sticks out and makes me wonder if he’s going to have his daddy’s gorgeous curly hair.

Miss Snugglebug meeting Squishy for the first time.

Miss Snugglebug meeting Squishy for the first time.

 

The very first time he said “mama” and then quickly progressed to “mummy, daddy, nan-dee, pow-ee” (polly) He can’t say his sister’s name yet, but just hearing it brings a huge grin to his face.

The first time I saw my babies playing happily together.

The way that, sometimes, only Mummy cuddles can fix whatever is wrong.

A happy little Squishy

A happy little Squishy

 

Seeing our son snuggled up sleeping soundly in his Daddy’s arms.

Squishy baby & Daddy

Squishy baby & Daddy

A million firsts; trips to the shops, visiting people, getting to know his cousins, trying different foods, exploring, learning, tasting, seeing so many thing for the very first time. The fascination in a single blade of grass, the determination to pick up the teensiest speck of dirt between two very careful chubby fingers, the look of pure joy the first time he succeeds in doing something, the dreamy, peaceful sleeping face that I could stare at for hours.

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Happy First Year, my little Squishlet, love you to bits,  mummy xxx

Welcome (back) to my (new) blog :)

Hi there,

I’m Beck.

This is my blog.

Soooo…come here often? Nope, that’s ok, me neither.

Ok, a little bit about me…

I’m 31 years old, I  have a husband who is totally into d.i.y-ing the shit out of everything, (seriously, he’s building our whole house!) 2 gorgeous kidlets who drive me batshit crazy, but also make me laugh everyday and I love them to bits.

This little bundle of cuteness is 9 month old Carter, also known as Squishy-baby

This little bundle of cuteness is 9 month old Carter, also known as Squishy-baby

I went and fell in love with a country boy and packed up my whole life and moved up the bush to be with him. Throw in assorted family dramas, a few crazy animals, building our own house, a couple of babies, living in the shed while we build our house, a few personal issues…and hey presto, here we are.

This is my gorgeous Scout, also known as Snugglebug, with my hubby, Kane

This is my gorgeous Scout, also known as Snugglebug, with my hubby, Kane

I’m craft-mad and a bit of a hoarder, I love food, wine, music, books and animals. (I have a bit of a habit of bringing home rescuing stray creatures) I love op-shopping for bargain vintage finds, I love bold colours and bling and gorgeous shoes. I have battled too many things in my life, from anxiety and depression to crazy family members, I refuse to let those things rule my life anymore. Sometimes I swear too much, sometimes I drink too much, but I am finally at a place in my life where I am happy just being Me.

So, welcome to the crazy, I hope you’ll stick around for a while

(I love to hear from you guys too, so feel free to leave a comment or drop me a message anytime xoxo)

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I miss my blog

I miss my blog.

I miss writing.

I know I need to take this time out to get my head right but I really can’t wait to get back to writing, hopefully with a clearer idea of who I am and what I want to say.

This anxiety / PND thing is a bitch, I feel like I’m on a rollercoaster, up one minute down the next, but I’m learning to ride it out. It’s always darkest right before the dawn.

I think the counselling is helping, but it’s stirring up a lot of old emotions and things I thought I’d dealt with that I still need to work through. I’m sure there’ll be a whole bunch of blog posts once I feel ready.

But for now, thank you to everyone who’s still around and reading this. I’ve gotten to know some lovely people through writing this blog and it really brightens my day knowing that you take the time to read my little blog.

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Big Hugs, till next time,

Beck xoxo

Still Here…

Hiya Peeps,

What an incredible week, I wanted to write a blog post about the legacy of our first female P.M. (but there’s a million of them out there, I liked this one) and I wanted to write about the awesomeness that is the Reclink Community Cup and what a fabulous time we had there on Sunday.

But I didn’t. I wrote this.

You might (or might not) have noticed that I’m not around so much these days.

I guess I’ve just got a lot going on at the moment; my gorgeous bub needs me, my big girl is adjusting to being a big sister, I’m trying to hold the fort here in the shed so Hubby can make some progress on the house, oh and this PND thing that keeps sneaking up on me and and knocking me on my ass.

I’m kinda busy.

All in all, I’m doing ok.

Some days are good, some days aren’t. I’m learning to cope.

But some things have had to take a back seat, and for now, it’s my “projects” that have been put on “pause”.  My craft stuff, my knitting, even my creative projects for the house, and yep, the blog too. I’ll get back to it all soon, but for now I need to focus on myself and give my little family the attention it needs.

I love my blog, I think writing it helps keep me sane, and I love you guys even more for reading it. I’ll still be around, probably more on the facebook page than on here, but I’ll still blog occasionally, till I get my shit together.

I guess I just wanted to let ya’ll know that I appreciate you reading me and I’ll be back soon.

Till next time,

Beck xoxo

A Day In The Life Of… Me.

Ok, trying to get back on board with this blogging thing and linking up with Home Life Simplified for listmania #20, A day in the life of me.

So here is my Wednesday the 5th of June 2013.

5.49am: Squishy wakes up, nappy change, feed, back to sleep

7.15: Snuggle wakes up, insists that Daddy come play blocks with her, now. Which he kindly does so I can stay snuggled up in bed feeding and cuddling Squishy.

Coffee, I may be up but I'm not really awake till I've finished my coffee.

8am: Coffee. I may be up but I’m not really awake till I’ve finished my coffee.

 

9.45-10.30am: Squishy has a little nap. Snuggle does some painting.

I love seeing baby clothes all folded in the drawer. So much nicer than putting away grown-up sized washing!

I love seeing baby clothes all folded in the drawer. So much nicer than putting away grown-up sized washing!

I put some washing away and try to tidy up a bit. Go to put something away in desk drawer and it won’t close. Have to clean out desk drawer. Find some more textas for Snuggle. Squishy wakes up.

11.15am: Squishy has a roll around and chews on his toys.

Playtime!

11.15am: Playtime!

11.30-1.20pm: Squishy is a cranky and unsettled, wants to eat but doesn’t want to, wants to be held but doesn’t want to. *sigh* get nothing done for a couple of hours.

1.20pm: Lunch. We have toasted cheese sandwiches and sweet chilli sauce. (Snuggle is obsessed with sweet chilli sauce, she wants to put it on everything, including her toast some mornings!)

Squishy had pureed apple and a bit of a chew on a rusk.

1.20pm:  Lunch.                                                                Squishy had pureed apple and a bit of a chew on a rusk.

1.50: Take the little ones for a walk up to visit the goats. The new goats are starting to get used to us, I can hand feed three of them but Vienna is still a bit shy.

My baby girl, Mocha

My baby girl, Mocha

2.30pm: Snuggle stays outsidewith Kane for a little while so I can feed Squishy and try to put him down for a nap. It works! Yay, now I can get some stuff done! Run around like a mad woman tiding up and doing dishes.

How awesome is that 30 seconds when ALL he dishes are done...

How awesome is that 30 seconds when ALL he dishes are done…

3.30: Giving myself half an hour to chill out, have a cup of tea and do some crochet on the blanket I’m making for Snuggle while the little one’s asleep.

Tea and Crochet

3.30pm: Tea and Crochet

4.05: Squishy wakes up.

4.30: Bath time, Squishy first, then Snuggle plays in the bath while I get Squishy dressed and settled.

5.15: Get Squishy comfy in the kitchen in his rocker with some toys and teething rings so I can start on dinner.

Snuggle likes to "do cuttings"

5.15pm:  Snuggle likes to help  “do cuttings”

6pm: Dinner tonight is stir-fried kangaroo, marinated in char-sui sauce, lots of vegies and hokkien noodles. I love stirfrys, quick and easy and Snuggle will eat anything with noodles or pasta.

Kangaroo Stir Fry

Kangaroo Stir Fry with Noodles

6.45: Snuggle sits up on the couch with her milk and I sit with her feeding Squishy and reading a story. Tonight (and every night for the last week) its “Hot, Cross Bunny”

7.30: Both the little ones are asleep! YAY! Tidy up after dinner.

8.30: Relax time, super happy that Offspring is back on.

Offspring time!

8.30pm: Offspring time!

Snuggle up on the couch with Kane and a glass of wine to watch it.

9.30: Soo tired, going to bed.

(Squishy will probably wake me up for a feed sometime after midnight.)

So that was my day, not incredibly exciting, but lots of cuteness and cuddles.

How was your wednesday?

Till next time,

Beck xoxo

 

What am I grateful for?

I know, my blogging has been a bit all over the place lately and that makes sense, because I’ve been pretty all over the place too.

This weeks #listmania prompt is gratitude.

I’m grateful for lots of things in my life, especially my gorgeous children, my hubby, our families, and all the wonderful things I’ve experienced over the years.

But right now, right this very minute?

What am I grateful for?

My husband.

I mean I know he’s pretty great ( that’s why I married him, right?!?) but lately I am really grateful to have him around.

Why?

Because the last few months have been hard.

Like really hard.
Like, seriously, I can’t do this anymore hard.
Finally, I made myself get out of my dressing gown and dragged my butt to my Doctors, who immediately diagnosed PND and started talking about counselling and medication to manage it.
I started crying right there in his office.
I was so relieved that someone actually understood what I’ve been feeling.

Because the last few months have been super hard. Squishy is a colicky baby and incredibly hard to settle. Snuggle wants my attention constantly, which is fair enough, I mean, for the last two years she’s had me all to herself. I don’t have a spare two minutes to myself, ever.
I haven’t been coping all that well.

This is why I’m grateful for my wonderful husband.

He may not really understand what I’m going through, or how bad this can make you feel, but he’s always there to pick up the pieces on the days that I fall apart.
He gets up and gets Snuggle’s breakfast and brings me a coffee on bed on the days when I just can’t make myself get up and face the world.
When he comes in and I’m bawling my eyes out because the baby just won’t stop crying and nothing I can do will stop him, he takes Squishy baby outside for a walk to give me some breathing space and time to calm down.

His free-spirited, fun loving wife and mother of his children has been replaced by this weepy, anxious, cranky mess and he hasn’t complained once.

I’ve had a pretty rough few months, but I can only imagine how much worse it would be if I didn’t have such an understand husband working from home that I can call for help whenever it all gets too much.

I’ve been taking the meds for two weeks now and I’m still waiting to get an appointment with a psychologist. (apparently there’s not many of those up here and there’s a bit of a wait.)
I know there’s still a long way to go, lots of ups and downs, but I’m feeling pretty positive.
I know that together, we can get through this.

Squishy baby & Daddy

Squishy baby & Daddy

I know there’s going to be a few people who are going to think “why didn’t you say something, why didn’t you ask for help?”
And the truth is, I don’t know.
This absolutely blindsided me, I wasn’t expecting it at all.
During my first pregnancy I read all the baby books and I knew all about the signs of PND,I was completely prepared and… nothing.

This time ’round, I thought I knew what I was doing, I’ve done it before, everything will be fine. So when I found myself crying over every little thing, feeling like a failure, with no energy to do anything at all, I kept telling myself that this is just what it’s like having two kids, of course it’s going to be harder, but you’ll get used to it. Squishy’s colic finally started to settle down and he’s a much calmer baby than he was, but I wasn’t coping any better than when he was at his worst.

Finally something just clicked and I realised that there’s something wrong here,
As a mum I love my kids more than anything and want only the very best for them and it’s really hard to admit that you’re trying your hardest but you’re just not coping.

We’re all so much more aware of anxiety and depression these days, yet it still feels hard to say it out loud.

I want my babies to have their mother back.

I want to enjoy this special time, instead of struggling to get to the end of each day.

I want to feel like “me” again.

So, there it is.
I said it.

Till next time,
Beck xoxo