A word to live by…

A few gorgeous bloggers I follow have set themselves a “word” for the year.

I think this is an awesome idea, but I had to think about it for a while to settle on what I want to focus on.

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There are so many things I need to let go of in my life and this is going to be the year to do it.

Let go… of expectations.

Let go… of the past.

Let go… of stress.

Let go… of clutter.

Let go… of self-doubt.

Let go… of anxiety.

Let go… of anything I no longer need around me.

Let go.. of anything that holds me back.

Let go… and be true to myself.

Let go… and follow my heart.

Let go… and enjoy the ride.

Let go… and embrace life.

Let go… and live in the moment.

Let go… and be happy.

 

As I work on letting go in different areas of my life, I’ll keep you updated on how it’s going.

Feel free to leave a comment about what you’d like to let go of this year, or if you have any tips for me ๐Ÿ™‚

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Why I Still Love Social Media.

Hi there, thanks for stopping by.

There’s been a lot of talk recently about the “evils of social media” and the tragic death this week of Charlotte Dawson just seems to highlight that fact. There’s certainly no arguing that a lot of sad, little people take to twitter and FB and attack others as a way of feeling better about their own pathetic lives.

But I don’t want the trolls to ruin what can be a really wonderful thing.

When I started this blog it was as a way of documenting this crazy adventure we’d started on; and also because living in a shed, up a mountain, with a baby was incredibly isolating and I needed to feel connected to the rest of the world.

So “Mama Up The Mountain” was born and eventually evolved into “This Is Beck”.

Over the last year and a half I have shared everything with you, the birth of my gorgeous Squishy, my (ongoing) struggles with PND and anxiety, everyday dramas associated with living up the mountain. The highest of highs and the lowest of lows.

And you know what?

The response I get from you guys always astounds me.

Every. Single. Time.

Somehow I still am blown away that people actually read what I write.

And this has turned into such a gorgeous little community, there are some lovely ladies who I have gotten to know through this, some are other bloggers, other are regular commenters and I wouldn’t hesitate to call you guys my friends, even though we’ve never actually met. You guys help me every day, whether you realise it or not.ย 

Other bloggers who opened up about their own experiences with depression that made me feel I wasn’t alone and inspired me to share my own story. Commenters who told me that they had been through similar things and gave me hope that I could get through it too.

There is a really lovely side to the internet that doesn’t get as much news time as the trolls, there are amazing people who really want to help and inspire others, there are some great resources out there like #pndchat on twitter and The Anxiety Disorders Association of Victoria (adavic) Facebook page as well as some wonderful pages and groups that give people a place to connect and chat.

So, I just wanna say thank-you guys and girls, you make my little corner of the internet a much brighter place; and if I could ask you to do just one thing for me, when you’re scrolling through your newsfeeds, (or twitter feeds) take a second to stop and comment or like things from the pages and people you really like, because that interaction from you is the reason we do what we do.

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Till next time,

This Is Beck xoxo

The post I almost didn’t write.

This is really fucking hard to write.

I’ve started and stopped so many times I’ve lost count. It’s time to stop thinking about it and let out the words that have been taking up space in my head for too long.

Every family has it’s quirks but mine has it’s own special kind of crazy.

When I was a kid my mum used to joke about how much therapy I was going to need because of her.

She doesn’t know that she was right.

 

I have trust issues.

I have honesty issues.

I have control issues.

Most of my issues stem from being completely manipulated and used by the person I should have been able to trust the most.

My Mother.ย 

I have spent a lot of years hurting, feeling angry, confused, helpless, lost, betrayed.

Blaming myself, wondering what I had done wrong.

And finally, at almost 32 years old, I have the answer.

I didn’t do anything wrong. I didn’t deserve to be manipulated, used, decieved and discarded depending on her mood. I was a kid, noneย of it was my fault.

 

So right here, right now, I’m letting it go.

I choose not to allow the damage she has caused to linger in my life for a single moment longer.

 

For so long I wished for a proper mother. Someone to care, to lean on, to share special moments with, someone who’s always on your side. Someone you can trust.ย 

I’ve finally realised that I’ve been missing something that I never actually had.

I choose to concentrate my time and thoughts with the little family Kane and I have built for ourselves.

Finally.

After 32 years.

I choose to be free.

Everything that matters to me. Right here.

Everything that matters to me. Right here.

Till next time lovelies,

{This is} Beck xoxo

A Year Of Change

Hi there peeps, welcome to the new year.

Last year was a year of self discovery for me; learning about myself, making some connections, finally (starting to) understand a few things that have never quite made sense to me, a few ‘lightbulb’ moments.

2014.

This is going to be a year for change.

I know I need to make some changes.

There are too many things that are just not working.

Personally, I need to learn to prioritize, not everything needs to get done right away. I tend to take on too much and then get overwhelmed and end up not getting anything done. I need to start giving myself some real “me-time”, to start re-charging batteries that have been running on empty for way too long. ย I need to start facing some of my fears and take back control of my life.

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I have learned that mess and chaos = stress and anxiety for me. I’ve alway embraced “spur-of-the-moment” and freedom from schedules and routines but that is exactly what I’m going to need to learn to do. Implement (and stick to!) some new routines around meal times, bed times, house work etc.

So, there’sย no “New Year’s resolutions” for me, just a direction of where I want to start heading this year.

Where are you heading this year?
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{as always, I love to hear from you guys. Please feel free to leave a comment if you’d like to ๐Ÿ˜‰ }